will you?

you know you truly love someone 
when you can't hate them for what they've done to you

but instead you blame yourself for what they've done.

-quote-

i fall too deep. i bow too down. 

i should learn my lessons before.

but i never regret. i never forget.

because i found the reason

for everything that happened.

in fact, i'm grateful it happen.

or else, i will never turn to Him.

Alhamdulillah, masih sempat bertaubat. masih sempat kembali ke pangkal jalan. bersyukur tak terhingga. moga Allah menerima taubatku. moga Allah ampunkan dosa-dosa lama. 

aku berterima kasih kepada kau kerana menyedarkan aku. aku sangat terkesan dengan setiap kata-kata kau. mungkin kau anggap itu biasa sahaja. tapi ia cukup mendalam hingga menusuk jauh ke dalam hati ini. cukup mendalam sehingga membawa aku kembali kepada-Nya. sungguh aku terhutang pada kau. 

kau buat aku bertambah sayang kepada kau. bertambah sukar untuk melepaskan kau. tapi aku harus menerima hakikat bahawa kau takkan pernah menjadi milikku. everything i do, will remind me of you. every songs i heard, every places i go, will always remind me of you. everytime i'm thinking of you, i will turn to Allah and pray. i will seek for Allah. mengadu dan menangis kepada-Nya. begging Him to give me the strength.

sometimes i wonder did you ever think of me. did you still remember me. or did you already delete all our memories together. and the worst is, did you regret to know me. because i won't forget you. i won't regret you. never in my life i feel that way. but if you already forget me, regret me, i won't blame you. i deserve it, maybe. like i said before, you can't expect me to be fine, but i don't expect you to care. i don't expect high. but can i ask you to never forget me?

sometimes, i admit i hurt when i see you happy. seems like nothing happen. seems like i really nothing to you. even though i know i'm nothing to you. but when i see you sad, i feel sad too. complicated right? but i prefer to see you happy. be happy please. i hate to see you in a bad mood. you deserve to be happy. you are lucky boy. don't know why i said it, but you are very special. you meant a lot to me. 

i admit i feel bad about everything. my life is in misery. i know there's somethings wrong with me. that's why i've to change myself. i need to find myself. i need to be better than before. if only i can fix everything i've done before. if only i turn back the time, i will do everything in different way. what past stay as past. i can't regret it. it taught me a lots about life. thank you Allah for always here for me. i found peace in You.

ps: post plg serabut.